Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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