I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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