Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
