I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
