i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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