I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize