my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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