so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
