is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
