when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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