With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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