True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he's single and there are thong briefs.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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