i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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