OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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