do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
