I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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