Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
