Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i will never coherently bang her
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
