Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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