You work out of a Hotel?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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