i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
