So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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