I can text with my tongue
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
