haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize