some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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