____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
barbara walters just said penis...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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