He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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