Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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