You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
