kristin has been a bad kristin
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
