I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
