Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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