Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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