There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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