You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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