Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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