The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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