i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
