You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
