you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize