when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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