there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
