i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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