you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
