You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
