and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
