Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
