He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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