So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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