Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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