all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
