Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
