Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there's paper in my vomit.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
