I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just pee around me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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