I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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