You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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