I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
