Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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