i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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