I met the friendliest cop last night
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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