if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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