I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
