I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
