What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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