I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
