You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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