Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
its liver damage thursday
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
