She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
