I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
