It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
