remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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