Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
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Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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