Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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