The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
