doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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