Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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