i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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