I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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